जानामि धर्मं न च मे प्रवृत्ति – I know what is right, yet….

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जानामि धर्मं न च मे प्रवृत्ति

I know what is right (dharma), yet I cannot get myself to follow it.

जानामि धर्मं न च मे प्रवृत्तिर्जानाम्यधर्मं न च मे निवृत्तिः

केनापि देवेन हृदि स्थितेन यथा नियुक्तोऽस्मि तथा करोमि

(मैं धर्मको जानता हूँ, पर उसमें मेरी प्रवृत्ति नहीं होती और अधर्मको भी जानता हूँ, पर उससे मेरी निवृत्ति नहीं होती।)

(I know what is right (dharma), yet I cannot get myself to follow it. I know what is wrong (adharma), yet I cannot refrain from it. (It is not my fault) It is as if some unknown force dwells in my heart and impels me to do, what I do.)

 

The above are words of Duryodhan (from Mahabharata) to Shree Krishna. Some says it is from Garg Sanhita (गर्गसंहिता) and some says it is from Pandav Geeta (पांडव गीता). I would like to dwell upon its meaning rather than from where it was taken. 

 

When I first read this, I thought Duryodhan was taking shelter under escapism and did not want to take responsibility for his own actions. That could be one of the easiest interpretations of this. But as I thought deeper into it, I felt it was describing the actions of each of us. We also know everything that is right for us, but we don’t do it. You don’t agree with me? You don’t believe me? Let me share some real-life examples with you.

 

My wife brushes her teeth every day before going to bed ever since our marriage, whereas I used to just gargle before going to bed for the first approx. 12 /13 years of our marriage. I knew that due to my lethargy of brushing my teeth at night, I used to take shortcuts of just gargling and continued with the same for more than a decade since my marriage. I always used to think that what I was doing was not right, but I never made an attempt to correct myself. One day, I just thought, how can I ask my kids to brush their teeth before going to bed if I am not doing it? And that was the trigger point for me to push myself to brush my teeth before going to bed. In the initial days, I used to struggle to push myself/ motivate myself when I came home late from parties, movies, or the office to brush my teeth. But I can say that with persistent efforts, I have developed a habit of brushing my teeth every day before going to bed, come what may. (to be honest, still, 5/6 days a year, I give myself an excuse not to brush my teeth at night). But the fact remains that I lost the initial 12/13 years of good habits. 

 

Take another example: to cultivate the good habit of reading 2/3 pages every day, I started reading 2/3 pages every day before going to bed, and alas, I failed miserably. I couldn’t read 2/3 pages a day, even for 21 continuous days. I tried reading it early in the morning, after lunch, before going down for a walk in the evening and even before going to bed. I failed, failed and failed myself. To date, though I love reading, I still do not read 2/3 pages daily. Though I am reading a lot more than before, I am yet to master “reading every day“. How would you describe or justify the same?

 

I am sure, come each year’s end and at the beginning of the new year, we decide to be more serious and focused on our health and commit ourselves to going to the gym, doing yoga, going for a serious walk, or Zumba classes or go for badminton or any sports every day and get engaged in some physical activities. How many of us have continued the same beyond, say, one or max 2/3 months? Somewhere, we discontinued, and that commitment came crashing. Let me admit I am not an exception. 

 

After the pandemic, so many of us would have committed to eating healthily, limiting sugar consumption, eating fewer sweets/mithai, giving up aerated drinks, restricting caffeine consumption, restricting/reducing consumption of fast food, a complete ban on cheese and cheese products, following a vegan diet, follow intermittent fasting. The list can go on and on. I was also not an outlier. All self-commitment lasted only for a year, and thereafter, for the majority of us, all internal pledges started collapsing. Binge eating started, and everyone started eating out more often than before the pandemic, which led to the opening of more fast-food chains and roadside stalls/dhabas, dark kitchens, supplies from home, etc. Whatever weights got reduced/under check due to disciplined eating and lifestyle went into the winds, and people started putting up weights like crazy. I am sure you would like to add your own experience here as well, and it would be good if there were exceptions to this.

 

Let me take you back to our childhood years. When we were all young and in our teens, we used to commit at the beginning of our new academic year that we would study every day so that we would not have to slog at the time of exams. We used to go to tuitions or coaching classes, and for the first few weeks (max a month in my case), the routine would go as planned. After a few weeks, whatever “daily revision/study” we had planned was not followed, and that brings us back to the same old notorious habit of nights out for group studies at a friend’s house as soon as our exam timetables were announced. Till the exam day (and in some cases even just an hour before the exam), our portion never used to get finished. 

 

When we grew up and started attending office or business, we were assigned tasks and targets with hardcore deadlines. What I used to do is to start plugging the low-hanging fruits first (complete ticking off the easiest task first) and avoid addressing the difficult task for the later period. That habit used to increase my late sitting to complete the difficult task, increase my anxiety and blood pressure and drive me crazy. After first experiencing this kind of schedule, I always used to tell myself that going forward, I would attack the shark first (“eat that frog”) and hunt it before starting to kill small fish. But alas, come the next quarter or the new year, I used to get trapped in getting dopamine and boosting my ego by completing a long list of small tasks and always putting the difficult task at the end, which used to tickle like timebomb on my mind (and sometimes it has blasted also and I got mentally, emotionally, physically and financially injured as well), burn midnight oil to complete, shout at others without any valid reasons or even at the smallest of the opportunity. I know you would also like to add your own experience here, but wait, I am not yet finished. 

 

I am sure some of us would have started journaling to keep track of how we spend our time, or personal thoughts, feelings, learning for the day, the highlight of the day or an important event, something which has made us laugh or taught life-changing lessons, etc. This is indeed a very good habit and method to improve your creative writing, expressing yourself, improving your emotional intelligence, noting down what event made you change for good, learning from your own mistakes, remembering whenever someone helped, etc. But tell me frankly, how many of us continued that and for how long? I don’t need an answer here. We all need to answer to ourselves why we stopped.

 

As we grow older, we commit ourselves to follow the righteous path full of spirituality, sanctity, and purity, and we start practising dhyana, concentration, meditation, and introspection. We rise early in the morning and get ready for our daily practice of awareness/absorption. We practice this with all our enthusiasm for a month or two, and then our path of reflection is punctured. The day a hot air balloon (of spiritual wisdom) runs out of hot air (perseverance), it begins to descend, and we are back to square one. We need another push or pep talk/wisdom talk to start the same again. But why someone has to tell me that again and again?

 

There could be so many examples from our day-to-day life where we know what is good (rather best) for us (our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health), but we are not able to make that activity or habit a part of our daily routine life with discipline. Somewhere, we are distracted from that path, or we abandon that journey in-between or give up too easily. Does that not sound exactly like जानामि धर्मं न च मे प्रवृत्ति? We all know what is paramount for us, but we do not make it, we do not complete it, we do not make it a part of our daily routine, we get distracted, we do not learn our lessons, and we repeat the same mistake, we put the blame on others or circumstance. The reasons and arguments are endless. But the fact remains that we gave up what was good for us.

 

Have we ever reflected on why this happens? There could be various reasons for this. I would like to share my own experience and reasons for the same (here, I am not trying to justify but reflect upon the same to learn and correct the wrong)

• At times, we do not want to change our habits or routines – we are slaves of our habits. Take an example of the habit of eating a small piece of sweets every day with our meal or wanting to have a glass of water along with or immediately after the meal. We do not want to change our routine, which we are habitual to follow, and we become slaves to that routine habit. Every day, while having lunch, how many of us would like to watch TMKOC or any series on OTT?  
• We do not want to work on ourselves – we just look at others and advise them to correct their behaviour/habit/action/routine, but when it comes to us, we try to justify our bad habits/actions or the way we conduct ourselves.
• We lack consistency and strong will. Starting is very easy, but consistently following the same is difficult. When you decide to reduce your weight, say once, you lose 3 to 4 kg of weight, and then you get stuck at that weight, whereas your target was to reduce 10 kg. Now, we need to make some extra effort to achieve our target, and we are not ready for that or pushing ourselves. We like short-term pleasure and hence miss long-term goals – to achieve something, one has to sacrifice, and we are not ready to “consistently sacrifice our bad habits”. We get easily distracted as we are not firm – we miss the big picture and just get trapped in distraction and lose the path. Reasons for the distraction can be many.

• At times we are afraid to say No – thinking what people would say or feel, we get trapped. We decided not to drink aerated drinks, but as you are attending a party at a friend’s house, She/he will say, “Aare aaj thoda lele, kal se chod dena” or “ek glass main kya hota hai?” and we take that glass in our hand and loose our own battle as we are not able to say NO. 
• We are afraid of failure and unknown – we do not start any new initiative as we are not sure whether we would be able to complete that or not. And we are also worried if we start something new but if we do not able to continue the same, what people would say. We all are good at starting but do not know how to finish. Does it sound familiar? 
• We are victims of sensual pleasure – we do not want to give up the same to achieve what is our bigger goal. We like eating chocolates, and we justify that it tastes yummy and dark chocolates are good for our health!  
• Our lethargy plays a bigger role at times – we justify our laziness. When we want to read 2/3 pages every day, and when we are tired or having a bad day, we just say to ourselves, I am not reading today but will read five pages tomorrow and that tomorrow never comes. 
• Lack of motivation. I think in this age where we are openly discussing mental health issues; I am sure many of us have experienced the same. Lack of purpose at times – we forget the purpose with which we started or even why we want to do it. 

 

These are just my own learnings, and I am sure you can add a list of your own to it how we can overcome that. Let me confess that I am still struggling with these 365 days a year, 24 by 7. I have yet to find an answer or practice technique which helps to make those good habits part of my daily life. But one thing is sure that I have not given up on myself and despite so many failed attempts, I keep on trying. 

 

The journey of grappling with our inner conflicts between knowing what is right and struggling to act accordingly is one that resonates with us all. I know these challenges are daunting when it comes to self-improvement but as we all know progress cannot be made without perseverance.

 

I would be highly obliged if you guys can share your success story with जानामि धर्मं न च मे प्रवृत्ति. How have you overcome or mastered that? Let us share our experiences, triumphs, and setbacks, knowing that each step forward brings us closer to mastering the art of living in harmony with our principles. Please share your smallest of success tricks, and may our collective journey inspire positive change in ourselves and those around us.